Turkey Day Eve

By the end of the day yesterday, Dawn and I were planning dinner via email and discussing the fact that since her husband got his Christmas present yesterday (!) we could watch Gilmore Girls in peace (Nothing happened! Nothing at all that wasn't in the previews! Oh, except Logan and Rory no longer date- eh.). This lead to the discussion of the random Christmasey things we had each been doing lately, i.e. listening to Christmas music, putting up a few random decorations (her), spreading out holiday things in the guestroom in preparation (me). Now she has been holiday-ing it up for a little while now, since for her and her husband Christmas decorations are equivalent to a whole bottle of antidepressants. Bad day at work- set out a Santa figurine. I love 'em for it. So, since I spend half my time at their house, it's not suprising that I too have entered into the Christmas spirit full-tilt, guns-a-blazing, ATM card ready, all homey and family-ey and stuff.

That said and before I even get into this next little bit, I have a confession to make. It's a known fact that I am an 80 year old in a 22 year old's body (and a nice one at that- hardeeharhar.) but a lesser known one that I can actually channel my grandmothers. All of them. Maybe not at the same time- but that doesn't diminish the gift- don't even try to let it. This is serious business. So last night's behavior was the result of my possession by my great-grandmother (still alive) and is just an extension of a similar possession last year in the Kohl's home goods holiday sale area. Before I even say this: Don't judge me. If you could come to my house and see the magical wonders which I plan to perform with just this tidbit of Christmas tradition, well... you'd be impressed. And on that note - I bought village houses. Big ones. Lots of them. I couldn't stop. Now, keep in mind that the Christmas fairies had marked them down to $6 each. And that they are very pretty. And you can buy a taxi to put in front of the train station. And in my defense, my grandmother has put up a village scene at Christmas as long as I can remember and we always looked forward to going over and turning on the lights, squatting down beside the table and examining all the people, skating or walking or sitting on benches, and the church with the ringing bells... So, see? I had no other choice for my first Christmas away from home but to set up a village. Besides, my best friend did it before me, and this year hers is especially lovely sitting on the bar between her kitchen and den, and (to her personal decorating triumph) far away from little boys' hands.

Now my people may be terrorized by giant cat-like monsters, squashing the quaint scene like King Kong in Tokyo, but for a moment, it will be peaceful and beautiful.

I will be driving home tonight for Thanksgiving and although I don't have a bed to sleep on (my parents seriously need a sleeper sofa) I am excited about the parade watching and food EATING and football SLEEPING and SHOPPING that will be occurring in the next few days. I am driving on like the worst night for holiday driving, the day before, so pray for me as I navigate the giddy home-goers. Plus I'm traveling with cats. And while in the past they have been super-travelers, sleeping like champions all the way from here to the beach, or here to the grandparents, the last small trip we took, an hour and some change down country roads, Hobbes hollered the whole way as if she was being tortured with hot pokers or catnip hanging outside the carrier ( Yeah, I don't know about the metaphor. It's the best I could do. Just roll with me here). So, we'll see how all that goes. Is there any product that puts cats to sleep? I mean, not that I would do something like that, but just asking? It will totally be worth it though, to eat the cranberry concoction a family friend makes at the holidays, of which some is already present at my house and about which my mom made a special phone call just to inform me of the aforementioned presence. I seriously love this stuff. Will be stealing the leftovers and smuggling them home love. Open up the fridge with spoon ready love.

I hopefully will be making a pit stop mid-journey to visit with my almost sister and her fiance, who are home from college (I know- they're too young. I tried.) to introduce the cats and share Thanksgiving greetings. Usually our families celebrate together, but this year as a result of a series of events involving me and her brother and the breakup of the ages (that's how I imagine it is described in our mothers' heads) - no dice. While I am okay with the whole families celebrating together thing (we must get used to it sometime, best before there are spouses involved) he apparently is a wuss. Or that's how I choose to see it. So I will visit beforehand, and enjoy the angst-free, awkwardless, non-heel-wearing sleep I will garner on my parent's couch tomorrow afternoon.

And now, abruptly, I must begin the last work day of the week (Thank goodness). Thanksgiving greetings to all!

Keep on shinin'

Having faith in the long run is easier said than done
It's hard to live out in the light of day
You're bruised and you're battered, your dreams have been shattered
Your best laid plans scattered all over the place

Despite all your tendencies, God sees it differently
Your struggle's a time to grow
And you, you're a miracle, anything but typical
It's time for the whole wide world to know

Keep on, keep on shinin'
Wherever you may be
Keep on, keep on shinin'
For all the world to see

"Keep on Shinin'" Third Day, Wherever You Are

Look, they grew!

A Blustery Day...

"Don't ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive and go do it.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Howard Thurman

Semantic Geometry

We speak a sort of semantic geometry in which the shortest distance between any two points is a fullish circle. Franny and Zooey, J.D. Salinger

There's a girl I know. She's amazing and talented and maybe the most sympathetic person I have ever met. The first time I met her she had to undergo the cursory high school ridicule, because we were all jealous and afraid our boyfriends would like her more than us. The frustrating part was that it was understandable. She was sweet and innocent and not sarcastic in the least (Over the years she has honed her sarcasm skills- a fact I take most of the credit for). She was the friend you would always want to have, the kind you desperately wished for when you felt deserted at 13 (in the heartbreaking world of the preteen). It was almost like our lives aligned for that bit in time, for those four years. Preacher's daughters, we both could commiserate on things other kids didn't understand. She moved to our little town on her birthday, the summer before ninth grade. Pretty quickly she melded into our group and we all changed together. By senior year, there was still the group but it was shaped differently and we two plus three other girls spent that year doing everything but schoolwork. We all went separate ways, but managed to keep mostly in touch (with a few gaps). We are all in different places now, but Dawn and I have been blessed somehow and are now closer, distance-wise, than we have been in four years.

It's fantastic to make new friends and learn new people but one of the comforts of my life is having someone who knows all my stories and understands me, no explanations required, no blubbering needed about how I'm Crazy And I Know It, But Just Listen...- She gets all that. I only have to blubber if it makes me feel better about the awfully stupid thing I just let happen.

On top of doing all these things I knew she would and slowly making her dreams come true (whether she believes or not) she is also raising two beautiful boys that I adore almost as much as I adore her. Almost! There are days when her selflessness baffles me, and in that same moment where motherhood seems like some kind of masochistic torture we inflict upon ourselves, I want that kind of love in my life.

But for now, I reside in a self-world where I, for the most part, set the who-what-when-and-wheres. Unfortunately, sometimes I get caught up in living day-to-day and don't follow through on the good friend thoughts that bounce through my mind. My bestest friend has been totally laying herself down for her family for weeks now, while they're sick and she's tired and noone is sleeping. The loves in my life now are my extended family, the ones that aren't related to me by blood, but are the ones I chose, or rather, the ones God chose for me. Because of that HUGE blessing, I have one more strong woman to look up to.

So for all these things and more- Late night book editing sessions, little boy kisses and sandbox hands, coffee, chocolate, Friends and Gilmore Girls and SATC, book quotes, procastinating emails and college applications, fellowships and curfews, that time with the singing and the hairbrushes and LFO, tobaggans and dreams, randomness, shared boys (not the little ones), crying, venting, coffee, hats, setting new trends, that one time where we reunited in a Subway, deep questions, car karaoke, scary kid stories, coffee, walks, presenting a solid front against all the stupid things boys do, hopes and fears and all those other crazy things that happen in between- Thank you. And I've thought of you even though you haven't heard from me. I promise.

To Dawn- for understanding my semantic geometry. One day, we'll get our magic beans.

I suck.

I'm not sure I could be any more lame about posting on this thing...

But now its time to escape the prison and go home.

The Walk of Shame

You know how you have those moments where you ponder a relationship or see the person again and almost gag from the thought of it? And maybe you even thought at the time 'This will come back to haunt me' but then the haunting happens sooner than you think, and you just want to kick yourself? A relationship where even though you were once involved with that person (on some level) the thought of doing it again is revolting? You wonder how you could have been so foolish/delusional/desperate and you swear (foolishly) never to talk about it again for shame?

Having one of those right now.

Overheard

Head of Company: I don't know sir, maybe it's the thick air here in North Carolina, or maybe it's magic...

Foreign voice emanating from speakerphone (emphatically): It's not magic...


And American humor divebombs into the Atlantic Ocean....

Listen- Hear it? Nothing.

I'm tired this morning. I got plenty of sleep, this with the intention of getting up and to work earlier because I am going out of town (again!) today. I did get up earlier, but not quite early enough and because we don't paid for clocking in 15 minutes before our start time (it either must be earlier or later) and since I didn't make it out of the house to get to work by 7:30, I showed up at 8 and ate breakfast at home, an unusual occurrence as of late. 8 AM is earlier than I have been getting here, so mission accomplished- kinda- and now if I can only do the twenty million errands I need to do in 30 minutes, I can leave at 5. Do I see that happening? Only if my WonderWoman skills kick in in the next few hours. Here's hoping.

It's nice here in the mornings. Quieter, at least in the cube area. The door to the lab is behind my cube, so I am accustomed to a constant in/out squeak, plus the knowledge that everyone looks to see what I'm up to. Must Look Busy. Also, the supervisor over my supervisor sits in an office across from me, and it is too early for him to be yelling in the phone yet, on speakerphone, with the door open. He actually doesn't yell so much as just talks loud in combination with a brusque manner of speaking, but that rationale doesn't matter so much when you're trying to THINK. So, I'm forming a habit of coming in and breathing for a minute, gauging the day, drinking my coffee, before the hustle and bustle picks up, and that gives everyone in the lab time to do their mobile phase prep craziness before I go in there and try to get some work done.

I was just informed though, that there are things waiting for me- fun things, like big napkins we use as much as air and 10 ml syringes everyone is freaking out about, so I am off with my handy boxcutter.

Later gator.

Fog inside the Glass

When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask

It just walks in where it left you last

You never know when it starts

Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart

"Something's Missing" John Mayer

There’s a chill when I leave for work in the morning. Today I stepped on brown leaves as I walked to my car for lunch. Once again, football is the white noise to my Sunday afternoon naps. I feel as though this year, even more so that others, autumn has stolen in and taken the place of summer, swiftly, almost imperceptibly, so that in the end, we begin wearing sweaters and planning for holidays without even realizing that summer has left. Perhaps this year it is all the more strange because I did not herald the end of summer by returning to school. This brief blending in of seasons is usually masked by first exams and multiple checks of the school calendar to verify the dates for fall break. Instead this year, it has melted away, leaving a longing for more evenings in a warm blanket of summer air, soaking in the last moments of twilight after dinner. Soon, sexy summer feelings will be replaced by the cozy hug of autumn and everything will feel different. I love coming through the door during the cooler months to the smell of home and food, and then the twinkle that covers the world as December creeps nearer. This September I am caught up in reminiscing of last year at this time. To me, this year has slipped away and memories are close, but covered in the haze of time, so smells and sensations remain, but any awkwardness or pain has begun to dissolve away. Perhaps that is one of the best flaws of human nature- the inability to capture every memory in perfect clarity. That haze is the healer that allows a renewal as each season changes.

Caps Lock Restraint In Action

Ok, so this gas situation...is out of control. I understand all the oil rigs are shut down due to Katrina. I understand that New Orleans is a major port for foreign imports. I also understand that what gas stations pay for gas and what we pay for gas are two different things. So, are the gas stations making an even larger profit due to one of the largest disasters in the U.S. in recent years, and they have an excuse we can't really question because you know, didn't you hear the news, HALF THE SOUTH IS UNDERWATER? Please, please tell me that the margin between wholesale and retail prices isn't increasing as costs increase. That's all I ask. I can' t even imagine what Californians (of which I am not) are paying. Or maybe it's less since they may have different suppliers for the west coast versus the east coast (where I am). Question for the day.

And now, on a happier note- My sore throat is gone. You didn't know I had one, but I did, and it's gone. Unfortunately, in its wake it left a cough and a little groggy feeling, but hey, at least today I feel a different kind of bad! Yay! Obviously, the sarcasm is still intact.

The real happy note is...wait for it, wait for it....dum dum da dum...I got kittens! Two- a brother and sister, who are still just babies, only 3 weeks old. The girl is an orange tabby named Hobbes, and the boy is all black, named Calvin. And trust me, the names fit. You know how in the cartoon Calvin and Hobbes, Hobbes has a sneaky habit of tackling Calvin when he comes in the door, or gets out of bed, or eats, or really anytime? That's my cats. They set up somewhere, on pillows, the back of the couch, and tackle one another, and then roll across the floor, tangled up, hollering 'cause it hurts. And then come back for more. If they are not sleeping, or eating, they're wrestling. Or fighting my hair.

They eat on their own, but they're high maintenance and need special kitten milk (read: not cheap) which can't be left out, so I might as well have kids. I'm going home every day at lunch to feed them. And I learned the hard way Sunday night that it's best to feed them little bits at a time. Calvin, crazy that he is, is apparently like most males, and doesn't stop eating as long as there is food on the plate. Sunday night, I was sitting on my living room floor with my friend, CB and both cats, Calvin asleep on me and Hobbes asleep on her, watching the VMAs. All the sudden Calvin sits up, turns to the side and projectile vomits across the room. No, I'm SERIOUS. It was like a fountain of kitten milk spouting across the living room. And then there was a second round about 30 seconds later. All I could say was "OH MY GOD" in varying volumes, and CB thought I was talking about something on TV and didn't even turn to look until the second time, when the horror actually made it into my voice. Poor thing, Calvin. He didn't even know what hit him. And I felt like a bad mom for the rest of the night, and he just felt pitiful. I was afraid I'd killed the cat the first day and all I did was feed it. Too much, yes, but just feed it. Thankfully (well depends on how you look at it), he woke up at 6 am ready to roughhouse and eat again. So all is good. But I now have experienced a little bit of true parent world, with the vomit and poop incidents and scary things being expelled from your child's body. The stories are enough to make me seriously consider remaining childless.

Be prepared for more cat stories. I live by myself and they're all I have. I'm going to become the crazy cat lady. Don't think they're not traveling with me. At least for a little while. Give me a break, I'm prematurely geriatric.

Twinkle, twinkle, baby, twinkle, twinkle.

It's FRIIIIDAAAY!

So, its definitely the low point of the afternoon. You know, that point in the day where the coffee completely wears off and lunch sets in and all the breaks are used up and you start counting down the seconds until you go home? Yeeeaaah. That time. So I'm hiding in cubeyland, rambling on the internet for a while, until I actually have to finish those things which I'm supposed to accomplish today.

Thankfully, it's Friday, which means tomorrow is Saturday, which means yay! And on top of that, tonight is particularly special because I get to be cool Aunt Felicity and keep my best friend's two beautiful boys while she and the hubby get some alone time before he spends the rest of the weekend being a rock star. By default, I also get to initiate their new guestroom and the fun striped sheets and spend the morning with the rock I call my bestest friend, Dawn.

This being a first post, I should probably be helpful and introduce myself and these things and people of which I speak, but...I'm not going to right now. But soon, I promise. Pinkie-swear. I really do have some things I have to finish up here. Isn't that a downer?

Peace out playas.