Oh, I forgot the best part...

So, I forgot to mention that while we were playing Mancala, Crystal and I, on the porch last night, we let the cats out of the house (they are indoor pets) to roam around the porch. The rain kept them pretty much contained to where it is dry, until Hobbes figured out that if she stayed along side the edge of the duplex she would stay out of the wet stuff falling from the sky (she's the orange tabby, the mischievious one). So off she went, weaving through the porch rail posts, darting along the brick wall towards the side of the duplex that is not ours. I fetched her on her first attempt, running through the sprinkling rain holding up the legs of my pajama pants to keep them dry, pinning the cat to the grass, then picking her up and depositing her back on the porch. The second attempt it was Crystal's turn, but as I watched her head for Hobbes, I saw Hobbes take a familiar squat-like stance. It wasn't until Crystal began to lift the cat that I realized what was going on. Leaning over the porch rail, in the most Southern accent imaginable (and excuse my crudeness) I began yelling "She's peeing! She's peeing!" several times over, but only once Crystal got her off the ground and towards her body and something warm landed on her foot did she process what I was saying. She cried "She's peeing!" in an even stronger accent than mine, and dropped the cat, who at this point was quite startled. I laughed so hard I cried, clinging onto the rail in order to remain in an upright position. Crystal doubled over and both of us had to catch our breath before I could explain that the cat couldn't help it, she was in the middle of the action when Crystal lifted her. Crystal had originally thought that she had startled Hobbes somehow and the cat had lost control. Regardless, the cats went inside after that. And Crystal changed her dress. And the neighbors are filing to have us committed as the two crazy cat ladies.

My Times

I spent the weekend doing little more than nothing, alternating between lying on the couch watching dvds and sitting on the couch, crocheting, and um, watching dvds. I did go to a movie on Friday night, breakfast on Saturday morning, and church on Sunday morning, but pretty much other than that - the couch. It was fantastic. I so rarely get to do that anymore on the weekends - usually they are a frenetic whirlwind of activity, framed by 4 hours of driving, a couple of days where I seem to do everything but clean my house, which by the weekend, is usually in dire need. You see, I live near the middle of the state, where I moved almost a year ago, after graduating college, to start my first job. My fiance (more later) lives in our hometown, the place I moved away from, down at the coast, two hours away from me. So each weekend, I pack up Thursday night and leave Friday afternoon, headed to the beach where my real life is. Here, it's my alternate life, the single one, where I'm the only person who cares about my plans for the evening, or what I eat for dinner. There, we're a couple, involved in the church where he is the youth minister, circled by family and friends, and always having something that needs to be accomplished. There, there is a group of mostly 12, 13, and 14 year-olds who look up to us and call us, and with whom we spend every other Friday night, Josh beginning at 6, me usually between 7 and 8, whenever I can get there. There, there are VBS skit practices and skits on Sunday mornings, dinner with church members, Saturday dinner with his parents, Sunday lunch with mine. There, I find my home, my perspective, with him, I am reminded who I really am, and that freedom allows me to be who I have to be Monday through Friday.

This weekend I wasn't there and it was suprisingly strange how it felt, spending the whole weekend at home. Josh was in Gulfport, MS for the past week, with the youth, rebuilding a home as part of the Katrina Relief program. The group didn't return until Saturday night and since he would be exhausted and Sundays are busy anyway, it made sense for me not to drive down. So I crocheted on the afghan I'm working on, watched old movies with my roommate, cleaned and organized in my room (desperately needed), read more of Ruth Bell Graham's biography while sipping coffee on the porch, attended the church here I rarely get to visit anymore, played Mancala on the front porch while it lightly rained, watching the cats attempt to brave the raindrops, and snapped beans (which are currently cooking in the crockpot and will hopefully be really good by dinnertime. We'll see.). My roommate, Crystal, says I'm an old lady. And she's right. But it was a nice change. I miss Joshua, and even next weekend is up in the air for us, since it starts a change in his life that will change everything, but I'm anxious to see him.

Next weekend he packs up his apartment and moves his things into storage, where they will remain while he spends a month camping in the mountains, a sabbatical of sorts, before starting his master's at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in August. The move puts him closer to me, but possibly busier than he is now, so how everything is going to work out is still to be determined. Tackle each thing as we get to it. We get married in December and everything will change again - this year has been one of change and adaptation. From there, only God knows where he will lead us, and my imagination can hardly suppose.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"But I trust in you, O Lord;

I say, 'You are my God.'

My times are in your hands...

Let your face shine on your servant;

save me in your unfailing love."

Psalms 31:14-15a, 16

Where I'm From

I am from red clay and ocean, from the whistle of a pressure cooker, Mason jars and snap beans, Zapf dolls and homemade playdough.

I am from a ranch house surrounded by corn and sunflowers, a white parsonage and a driveway lined with pecan trees, a home colored by azaleas and the smell of the ocean.

I am from cattails and magnolia trees, weeping willows and Southern pines.

I am from flannel gowns and heaters, from hard-headedness, from Chris and Teresa, Rosie, Jimmy, Blaine and Ruth.

I am from men of faith and the women who stand beside them, from artists and heroes, and the need to be heard.

I am from "Do your best." and "She's all knees and elbows."

I am from brick churches and tall steeples, favorite hymns and amens, the heat of vacation bible school, the family of a youth group, homecoming and Good Friday and the sounds of praise lifted from joyous hearts. From the solidarity found over Sunday lunch in a Pastor's home and the strength that family provides when the church forgets God and takes it all forgranted.

I am from Carolina, small towns and train tracks, wooden farmhouses and cotton dresses and tobacco.

From a cinderblock apartment and food stamps, families of twelve, the beauty from an artist's brush, a wedding band worn for 59 years.

I am from truth and honesty, hard work, from homemade and love. From a life so blessed that I can hardly contain my gratefulness, loved by those of whom I can say "My loss is heaven's gain."

A-Z about me.

Accent: Southern, all the way.
Best personality trait: I try to be as generous as I can.
Chore I hate: Cleaning out the refrigerator.
Dad's name: Chris
Essential make-up/skin care products: Chanel lipgloss.
Favorite perfume/cologne: Don't have one for me: Nautica and Armani Aqui Di Gio for men.
Gold or silver?: Gold.
Hometown: Leland, NC.
Interesting fact: I'm a Preacher's kid who's about to marry a preacher. And I have lived in a tent for the better part of two months.
Job title: Quality Control Lab Coordinator/Chemist.
Kids: None of my own.
Living arrangements: I lived alone until last month, now I have a friend for a roommate. Plus two cats.
Mom's birthplace: Charlotte, NC.
Number of apples eaten in the last week: None.
Overnight hospital stays: None.
Phobia: Snakes. And I'm a bit claustrophobic.
Question you ask yourself a lot: Am I really good enough?
Religion: Christian
Siblings: 2 brothers. Younger.
Time wake up: Around 7:15 am.
Unnatural hair color: Never.
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Beets.
Worst habit: Biting my fingernails. Saying "holy crap".
X-rays?: Broken my arm once and my thumb once. And had to extend my achilles tendon when I was a kid.
Yummy food I make: Brownies.
Zest or Dove: Dove.

I hate running.

Let me just explain. I am not an exercise person. It's not so much that I'm a couch potato - I'm active, but I've never been a good gym rat. I don't see the fun in it. I went in college, some, but the whole time I was there I would be thinking "I'm bored. I could go home now. I'm hungry. I really need to study some more for that Organic exam. That girl has been on that stair climber for an eternity now. Her butt is perfect. She's making me tired. Maybe I should leave. Alright, I'm out." And there you go.

But the last couple days I've been thinking that I spend alot of time sitting on my tail. ALOT. At least during the week. And so, since I really have no other pressing engagements Monday through Thursday, I was thinking that maybe I should involve myself at the local YMCA. Join an aerobics class or take yoga or SOMETHING.

It's not that I'm fat or anything. I'm not. But I'm not in shape either. And summer + impending wedding are making me feel as though I should do something to rectify that particular characteristic.

So, tonight, I'm going to an aerobics class.

I think.

If I can find something to wear.

Spotted

Today on my way back into work from lunch I almost ran into a turtle traveling the opposite direction on the sidewalk. A turtle! Wandering along its way outside my unnamed pharmaceutical company place of employment! What a wonderful thing!

I desperately wanted to save it, or at least transport it to someplace a little more green. The guy walking ahead of me asked if I had any food, but I did not. What do turtles eat anyway? Lettuce? Nuts? Small animals? I think plants, but unfortunately greens are not one of the many things I have in my purse today.

So, little turtle, thank you for brightening my day. I hope you made it to a homier place.

To the shrouded heart...

The remnants of Alberto are falling outside, and my sinuses are making it so that the idea of my head exploding is becoming a positive thought.

For such a day, I thought this poem may serve as an apt complement.

The Poet's Obligation

Pablo Neruda

To whoever is not listening to the sea

this Friday morning, to whoever is cooped up

in house or office, factory or woman

or street or mine or dry prison cell,

to him I come, and without speaking or looking

I arrive and open the door of his prison,

and a vibration starts up, vague and insistent,

a long rumble of thunder adds itself

to the weight of the planet and the foam,

the groaning rivers of ocean rise,

the star vibrates quickly in its corona

and the sea beats, dies, and goes on beating.

So. Drawn on by my destiny,

I ceaselessly must listen to and keep

the sea's lamenting in my consciousness,

I must feel the crash of the hard water

and gather it up in a perpetual cup

so that, wherever those in prison may be,

wherever they suffer the sentence of the autumn,

I may be present with an errant wave,

I may move in and out of the windows

and hearing me, eyes may lift themselves,

asking, "How can I reach the sea?"

And I will pass to them, saying nothing,

the starry echoes of the wave,

a breaking up of foam and quicksand,

a rustling of salt withdrawing itself,

the gray cry of sea birds on the coast.

So, through me, freedom and the sea

will call in answer to the shrouded heart.

(translated from Spanish by Alastair Reid)

And by that I mean...

I got this list from Catharine. (I'm just a no good thief today aren't I?)

List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation.'

1. Seriously? SHUT. UP.

2. I try not to think of a world without you, because all I see is myself curled into the fetal position, wishing for the darkness to swallow me up.

3. Can't you see you're your own worst enemy? It's not even subtle.

4. I can't really imagine how you feel right now. I only know how I feel and I try to multiply it one hundred times over.

5. If there was anyone in the world I could stand to be on a deserted island with and not end up bickering with constantly, it would be you.

6. I really do just wish that you would go away and leave the rest of us alone.

7. I don't miss you, but I selfishly wonder how you feel about everything that's going on. Does it hurt?

8. I hope that one day this journey brings you full circle and you bring out all the characteristics you have hidden away and add them to the ones I already enjoy. I would really like to hang out with that person.

9. I'm very sad right now.

10. Life becomes a big, fun party when you are a part of it and by that I am truly blessed.

100 Things

I straight stole this from Heather. Enjoy!

First, the instructions, if you want to do it: Fill in numbers instead of Xs. Cut and paste with "I have done # of these 158 things" in the cut tag.

I Have Done 100 of These 158 Things

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than two miles without stopping.
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[2] I have been to Europe.
[3] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[4] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[5] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[6] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[7] I have played ping pong.
[8] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[9] I have seen fireworks.
[10] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned. (I have known someone who drowned. And my little brother almost did.)
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[12] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[13] I have stayed up til 2 (and beyond) doing homework/projects.
[14] I have been ice skating.
[15] I have been rollerblading.
[16] I have fallen flat on my face.
[17] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.
[18] I have played videogames for more than three hours straight. (But only original Mario Brothers.)
[19] I have watched the Power Rangers.
[20] I attend church regularly.
[21] I have played Truth or Dare.
[22] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[23] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[24] I've called someone stupid.
[25] I've been in a verbal argument.
[26] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[27 ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[28] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[ ] I've climbed a rock wall.
[ ] I've lost more than $20 (in possession at one time)
[29] I've called myself an idiot.
[30] I've called someone else an idiot.
[31] I've cried myself to sleep.
[32] I've had (or have) pets.
[33] I've owned a Spice Girls CD/cassette.
[ ] I've owned a Britney Spears CD.
[34] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[ ] I've owned a Backstreet Boys CD.
[35] I've mooned someone.
[ ] I have sworn/yelled at someone of authority before.
[36] I've been in the newspaper.
[37] I've been on TV.
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[38] I've eaten sushi.
[39] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[40] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[41] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[42 ] I've watched the Three Stooges.
[43] I've watched Newlyweds.
[44] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[45] I've been called a geek.
[46] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[47] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[48 ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hours.
[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[49] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[50] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[51] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[52] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[53] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[54] I've had/have siblings.
[55] I've been to a rock concert.
[56] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[57] I've been in a play.
[58 ] I've been picked last in gym class.
[59 ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[60] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[61] I've cried in front of my friends.
[ ] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[ ] I've been to Alaska.
[ ] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[62] I've had a fight with someone on AIM/MSN.
[63] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[64] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[65] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[66] I've been forgiven.
[67] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[68] I've cried at a chick flick.
[69] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[ ] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[70] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[71] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[72] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[73] I've been in a car accident.
[ ] I've done drugs.
[74] I've been homesick.
[75] I've thrown up.
[ ] I've thrown up on someone.
[76] I've been horseback riding.
[ ] I've filled out more than 10 MySpace/LJ surveys.
[77] I've spoken my mind in public.
[78] I've proven someone wrong.
[79] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[80] I've broken an arm.
[ ] I've fallen off a swing.
[81] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight. (I consider this an action of catharsis. I admit it.)
[82] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[83] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[ ] I've lost my backpack.
[ ] I've come close to dying.
[ ] I've seen someone die.
[84] I've known someone who has died.
[85] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[86] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[87] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[88] I've realized how good my life is.
[89] I've counted my blessings.
[90] I've made fun of a classmate.
[91] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
[ ] I've slapped someone in the face.
[92] I've been skateboarding.
[ ] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[93] I've lied to someone to their face.
[94] I've told a little white lie.
[95] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[96] I've fainted.
[97] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.[98] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[99] I've been pushed into a pool.
[100] I've been/am in love.

The Fray

Let's rearrange

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage

Just say that we agree and then never change

Soften a bit until we all just get along

"Over My Head", The Fray

What?

It's not like I haven't written in 6 months - What are you looking at me like that for? Huh? Huh?

I never said I'd be good at this. I know better.

In other news - EVERYTHING CHANGED. Or almost everything. Gas stayed expensive. The cats are still crazy. But the rest of it, changed. Jokes became reality, and the things I do every day suddenly took on a very real life of their own.

It would definitely be creepy, if it wasn't so good.

That said, breakup of the ages reversed itself and now I find myself getting married in December to the very guy I didn't want to face last Thanksgiving. And so it goes...



(tap, tap - Is this thing on? Dawn, are you getting this?)

Turkey Day Eve

By the end of the day yesterday, Dawn and I were planning dinner via email and discussing the fact that since her husband got his Christmas present yesterday (!) we could watch Gilmore Girls in peace (Nothing happened! Nothing at all that wasn't in the previews! Oh, except Logan and Rory no longer date- eh.). This lead to the discussion of the random Christmasey things we had each been doing lately, i.e. listening to Christmas music, putting up a few random decorations (her), spreading out holiday things in the guestroom in preparation (me). Now she has been holiday-ing it up for a little while now, since for her and her husband Christmas decorations are equivalent to a whole bottle of antidepressants. Bad day at work- set out a Santa figurine. I love 'em for it. So, since I spend half my time at their house, it's not suprising that I too have entered into the Christmas spirit full-tilt, guns-a-blazing, ATM card ready, all homey and family-ey and stuff.

That said and before I even get into this next little bit, I have a confession to make. It's a known fact that I am an 80 year old in a 22 year old's body (and a nice one at that- hardeeharhar.) but a lesser known one that I can actually channel my grandmothers. All of them. Maybe not at the same time- but that doesn't diminish the gift- don't even try to let it. This is serious business. So last night's behavior was the result of my possession by my great-grandmother (still alive) and is just an extension of a similar possession last year in the Kohl's home goods holiday sale area. Before I even say this: Don't judge me. If you could come to my house and see the magical wonders which I plan to perform with just this tidbit of Christmas tradition, well... you'd be impressed. And on that note - I bought village houses. Big ones. Lots of them. I couldn't stop. Now, keep in mind that the Christmas fairies had marked them down to $6 each. And that they are very pretty. And you can buy a taxi to put in front of the train station. And in my defense, my grandmother has put up a village scene at Christmas as long as I can remember and we always looked forward to going over and turning on the lights, squatting down beside the table and examining all the people, skating or walking or sitting on benches, and the church with the ringing bells... So, see? I had no other choice for my first Christmas away from home but to set up a village. Besides, my best friend did it before me, and this year hers is especially lovely sitting on the bar between her kitchen and den, and (to her personal decorating triumph) far away from little boys' hands.

Now my people may be terrorized by giant cat-like monsters, squashing the quaint scene like King Kong in Tokyo, but for a moment, it will be peaceful and beautiful.

I will be driving home tonight for Thanksgiving and although I don't have a bed to sleep on (my parents seriously need a sleeper sofa) I am excited about the parade watching and food EATING and football SLEEPING and SHOPPING that will be occurring in the next few days. I am driving on like the worst night for holiday driving, the day before, so pray for me as I navigate the giddy home-goers. Plus I'm traveling with cats. And while in the past they have been super-travelers, sleeping like champions all the way from here to the beach, or here to the grandparents, the last small trip we took, an hour and some change down country roads, Hobbes hollered the whole way as if she was being tortured with hot pokers or catnip hanging outside the carrier ( Yeah, I don't know about the metaphor. It's the best I could do. Just roll with me here). So, we'll see how all that goes. Is there any product that puts cats to sleep? I mean, not that I would do something like that, but just asking? It will totally be worth it though, to eat the cranberry concoction a family friend makes at the holidays, of which some is already present at my house and about which my mom made a special phone call just to inform me of the aforementioned presence. I seriously love this stuff. Will be stealing the leftovers and smuggling them home love. Open up the fridge with spoon ready love.

I hopefully will be making a pit stop mid-journey to visit with my almost sister and her fiance, who are home from college (I know- they're too young. I tried.) to introduce the cats and share Thanksgiving greetings. Usually our families celebrate together, but this year as a result of a series of events involving me and her brother and the breakup of the ages (that's how I imagine it is described in our mothers' heads) - no dice. While I am okay with the whole families celebrating together thing (we must get used to it sometime, best before there are spouses involved) he apparently is a wuss. Or that's how I choose to see it. So I will visit beforehand, and enjoy the angst-free, awkwardless, non-heel-wearing sleep I will garner on my parent's couch tomorrow afternoon.

And now, abruptly, I must begin the last work day of the week (Thank goodness). Thanksgiving greetings to all!

Keep on shinin'

Having faith in the long run is easier said than done
It's hard to live out in the light of day
You're bruised and you're battered, your dreams have been shattered
Your best laid plans scattered all over the place

Despite all your tendencies, God sees it differently
Your struggle's a time to grow
And you, you're a miracle, anything but typical
It's time for the whole wide world to know

Keep on, keep on shinin'
Wherever you may be
Keep on, keep on shinin'
For all the world to see

"Keep on Shinin'" Third Day, Wherever You Are

Look, they grew!

A Blustery Day...

"Don't ask what the world needs.

Ask what makes you come alive and go do it.

Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Howard Thurman

Semantic Geometry

We speak a sort of semantic geometry in which the shortest distance between any two points is a fullish circle. Franny and Zooey, J.D. Salinger

There's a girl I know. She's amazing and talented and maybe the most sympathetic person I have ever met. The first time I met her she had to undergo the cursory high school ridicule, because we were all jealous and afraid our boyfriends would like her more than us. The frustrating part was that it was understandable. She was sweet and innocent and not sarcastic in the least (Over the years she has honed her sarcasm skills- a fact I take most of the credit for). She was the friend you would always want to have, the kind you desperately wished for when you felt deserted at 13 (in the heartbreaking world of the preteen). It was almost like our lives aligned for that bit in time, for those four years. Preacher's daughters, we both could commiserate on things other kids didn't understand. She moved to our little town on her birthday, the summer before ninth grade. Pretty quickly she melded into our group and we all changed together. By senior year, there was still the group but it was shaped differently and we two plus three other girls spent that year doing everything but schoolwork. We all went separate ways, but managed to keep mostly in touch (with a few gaps). We are all in different places now, but Dawn and I have been blessed somehow and are now closer, distance-wise, than we have been in four years.

It's fantastic to make new friends and learn new people but one of the comforts of my life is having someone who knows all my stories and understands me, no explanations required, no blubbering needed about how I'm Crazy And I Know It, But Just Listen...- She gets all that. I only have to blubber if it makes me feel better about the awfully stupid thing I just let happen.

On top of doing all these things I knew she would and slowly making her dreams come true (whether she believes or not) she is also raising two beautiful boys that I adore almost as much as I adore her. Almost! There are days when her selflessness baffles me, and in that same moment where motherhood seems like some kind of masochistic torture we inflict upon ourselves, I want that kind of love in my life.

But for now, I reside in a self-world where I, for the most part, set the who-what-when-and-wheres. Unfortunately, sometimes I get caught up in living day-to-day and don't follow through on the good friend thoughts that bounce through my mind. My bestest friend has been totally laying herself down for her family for weeks now, while they're sick and she's tired and noone is sleeping. The loves in my life now are my extended family, the ones that aren't related to me by blood, but are the ones I chose, or rather, the ones God chose for me. Because of that HUGE blessing, I have one more strong woman to look up to.

So for all these things and more- Late night book editing sessions, little boy kisses and sandbox hands, coffee, chocolate, Friends and Gilmore Girls and SATC, book quotes, procastinating emails and college applications, fellowships and curfews, that time with the singing and the hairbrushes and LFO, tobaggans and dreams, randomness, shared boys (not the little ones), crying, venting, coffee, hats, setting new trends, that one time where we reunited in a Subway, deep questions, car karaoke, scary kid stories, coffee, walks, presenting a solid front against all the stupid things boys do, hopes and fears and all those other crazy things that happen in between- Thank you. And I've thought of you even though you haven't heard from me. I promise.

To Dawn- for understanding my semantic geometry. One day, we'll get our magic beans.

I suck.

I'm not sure I could be any more lame about posting on this thing...

But now its time to escape the prison and go home.

The Walk of Shame

You know how you have those moments where you ponder a relationship or see the person again and almost gag from the thought of it? And maybe you even thought at the time 'This will come back to haunt me' but then the haunting happens sooner than you think, and you just want to kick yourself? A relationship where even though you were once involved with that person (on some level) the thought of doing it again is revolting? You wonder how you could have been so foolish/delusional/desperate and you swear (foolishly) never to talk about it again for shame?

Having one of those right now.

Overheard

Head of Company: I don't know sir, maybe it's the thick air here in North Carolina, or maybe it's magic...

Foreign voice emanating from speakerphone (emphatically): It's not magic...


And American humor divebombs into the Atlantic Ocean....

Listen- Hear it? Nothing.

I'm tired this morning. I got plenty of sleep, this with the intention of getting up and to work earlier because I am going out of town (again!) today. I did get up earlier, but not quite early enough and because we don't paid for clocking in 15 minutes before our start time (it either must be earlier or later) and since I didn't make it out of the house to get to work by 7:30, I showed up at 8 and ate breakfast at home, an unusual occurrence as of late. 8 AM is earlier than I have been getting here, so mission accomplished- kinda- and now if I can only do the twenty million errands I need to do in 30 minutes, I can leave at 5. Do I see that happening? Only if my WonderWoman skills kick in in the next few hours. Here's hoping.

It's nice here in the mornings. Quieter, at least in the cube area. The door to the lab is behind my cube, so I am accustomed to a constant in/out squeak, plus the knowledge that everyone looks to see what I'm up to. Must Look Busy. Also, the supervisor over my supervisor sits in an office across from me, and it is too early for him to be yelling in the phone yet, on speakerphone, with the door open. He actually doesn't yell so much as just talks loud in combination with a brusque manner of speaking, but that rationale doesn't matter so much when you're trying to THINK. So, I'm forming a habit of coming in and breathing for a minute, gauging the day, drinking my coffee, before the hustle and bustle picks up, and that gives everyone in the lab time to do their mobile phase prep craziness before I go in there and try to get some work done.

I was just informed though, that there are things waiting for me- fun things, like big napkins we use as much as air and 10 ml syringes everyone is freaking out about, so I am off with my handy boxcutter.

Later gator.