A Bit of Space

2007-07-30T11:30:00.000-07:00

5 people who will be annoyed that I tagged them:

Unfortunately, I'm somewhat of a lurker when it comes to blog reading, and since the bloggers I know outside of the internet have already been tagged/tagged me (Christie, Betsy) and the other ones I read on the internet are super-famous bloggers (dooce, pamie, Mighty Girl) I think I'm up the creek without a paddle on this one.

[Christie is going to wish she hadn't tagged me.]

4 things that should go into Room 101 to be banished from the earth forever:

borsch - ewwww. (And just so everyone will not think me shallow. I have tried it. In RUSSIA. Still gross.)

Most morning radio shows - no, I don't want to start my day annoyed at your ridiculousness. Thank you.

Stupid humor movies. I'm not ever going to see any of those Scary Movie movies, or that new one that's coming out about the stunt guy. Just as an example.

Credit Cards. Do I need to elaborate on this?

3 things people do that make you want to shake them violently:

Pop their knuckles. Eeeesh.

Be fake-nice. Badly. If you can't do it well, don't do it at all. This is the South.

Not tell me to order something and yet expect me to order something.

2 things you find yourself moaning about:

Not spending any Saturdays at my house.

How money doesn't grow in trees. WHY is that anyway?

1 thing the above answers tell you about yourself:

I complain too much. And apparently have things pretty good, if the top thing on my list to be banished forever is borsch.

Ah. Exercise.

2007-05-01T09:54:00.000-07:00

"My friend Andy once said to me, 'I couldn't possibly be interested in running one mile, much less twenty-six of them in a row.' And I said, 'That's because you like yourself, and have nothing to prove.'"

That quote comes from this and pretty sums up my feelings on running. For pleasure, at least. Running, from like, a bad guy, would be a different situation. But I guess you knew that.

Wiki-Love

2007-04-17T13:00:00.000-07:00

I've been tagged! Christie nominated me to continue with the Wikipedia love (one of my favorite internet things by the way - it's like a regular encyclopedia except on crack, what with all the linkage glory and whatnot) So, here goes. Prepare yourself for some serious dorking out.

1. Go to Wikipedia and enter your birthday without the year:

March 3

2. List three events that occurred that day:

1791 - The United States Mint is created by the U.S. Congress. Interesting, because, of course, money, and, also, because I am currently listening to John Adams, by David McCullough, on CD while I drive each day, and he was the Vice-President at the time, under George Washington.

1918 - Germany, Austria and Russia sign the Treaty of Brest-Litovsk ending Russia's involvement in World War I, and leading to the independence of Finland, Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania and Poland. They all lost the independence again in the Second World War(go figure)(Polish invasion of 1939, the Baltic States' annexation in 1940 to the USSR) but are now again independent states.

1938 - Oil is discovered in Saudi Arabia. Greeeat.

And some bonuses ('cause I couldn't stop at just three...I'm a nerd.)

1820 - The U.S. Congress passes the Missouri Compromise.

1845 - Florida is admitted as the 27th U.S. state.

1861 - Alexander II of Russia signs the Emancipation Manifesto, freeing serfs.

1873 - Censorship: The U.S. Congress enacts the Comstock Law, making it illegal to send any "obscene, lewd, or lascivious" books through the mail.

1877 - Rutherford B. Hayes is privately inaugurated as the 19th President of the United States (his public inauguration coming on March 5).

1904 - Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany becomes the first person to make a sound recording of a political document, using Thomas Edison's cylinder.

1915 - NACA, the predecessor of NASA founded.

1923 - TIME magazine is published for the first time.

1931 - The United States officially adopts "The Star-Spangled Banner" as its national anthem.

1933 - Mount Rushmore National Memorial is dedicated.

3. List two important birthdays:

1847 - Alexander Graham Bell, Scottish inventor (d. 1922) - The telephone!

1918 - Arthur Kornberg, American biochemist, recipient of the Nobel Prize in Physiology or Medicine - This man won the Nobel Prize for "his discovery of 'the mechanisms in the biological synthesis of deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA)'" and his research interests were studying the nucleic acids which control heredity in animals, plants, bacteria and viruses. What's not to love?

4. List one death:

1703 - Robert Hooke, English scientist (b. 1635) And this man (on another I'm Especially A Biology Nerd note) coined the biological term "cell" "because his observations of plant cells reminded him of monks' cells which were called 'cellula.' He is often credited with the discovery of the cell, and although his microscope was very basic, research by British scientist Brian J. Ford has now shown that Hooke could have observed cork cells with it." He also, interestingly, had a great deal to do with the design of Bethlem Royal Hospital (also known as "Bedlam" (which is the other meaning of that word are derived).

5. List one holiday or observance:

Bulgaria - Liberation Day.

And that's that. I hope everyone learned something today. I'm going to lunch...

Good Friday...

2007-04-06T15:08:00.000-07:00

Celebration is in sight!

On this Friday, I wanted to share a couple of the songs that have been speaking to me lately.

Josh and I will be singing the first on Sunday morning - I think it might be my new favorite Easter song.

See, what a morning, gloriously bright,
With the dawning of hope in Jerusalem;
Folded the grave-clothes, tomb filled with light,
As the angels announce, "Christ is risen!"
See God's salvation plan, Wrought in love,
borne in pain, paid in sacrifice,
Fulfilled in Christ, the Man,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

See Mary weeping, "Where is He laid?"
As in sorrow she turns from the empty tomb;
Hears a voice speaking, calling her name;
It's the Master, the Lord raised to life again!
The voice that spans the years,
Speaking life, stirring hope, bringing peace to us,
Will sound till He appears,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

One with the Father, Ancient of Days,
Through the Spirit who clothes faith with certainty.
Honor and blessing, glory and praise
To the King crowned with pow'r and authority!
And we are raised with Him,
Death is dead, love has won, Christ has conquered;
And we shall reign with Him,
For He lives: Christ is risen from the dead!

"See What a Morning", Words and Music by Keith Getty and Stuart Townsend

I've seen the days melt into night in circles of lights,
I've watched the spider spin a star between the window box flowers,
I've heard you laugh and cry in a single sigh,
And a story form within.

Don't let me lose my wonder.
Don't let me lose my wonder.

I saw her broken dreams inside but helping others fly,
I saw his eyes without a doubt though other lights faded out,
And though her calling roared,
such graciousness poured,
From the vision of her soul.

A baby cried through the dark beneath a jeweled spark,
I knew your voice upon the hill and heard my lostness still,
I found my home in the light where wrong was made right,
And you rose as the morning star.

Don't let me lose my wonder.
Don't let me lose my wonder.

"Don't Let Me Lose My Wonder", Words and Music By Keith And Kristyn Getty

2007-03-21T13:07:00.000-07:00

I am driving up 85 in the
Kind of morning that lasts all afternoon
Just stuck inside the gloom
John Mayer, "Why Georgia"

Today, in this dreary, weird, 50 degree weather day (the first day of Spring, interestingly), sandwiched between two 70 degree days, I've been thinking about how things become different. Change, I guess. Sometimes incredibly quickly, but so smoothly you hardly notice and sometimes, slowly, achingly so, but still come as a jolt.

When I first started this job, especially in the position I'm in now, I was terrified to go into the Director's office. Scared to death. I liken it to the same feeling when you stand to give a speech in front of a large crowd, that knee-knocking, quivery, swimmey kind of feeling. And now, well, I stepped in a few moments ago and cheekily asked if he had been promoted, that his authority level had changed in our purchasing system and was that a mistake? The question had been asked of me by someone who needed to know for business purposes, but I had no qualms going in there, and probably in someway, inapproriately, inquiring. Not long after I began, the girl who had this position before I did called to answer some question, and at the end of the conversation she said "Tell Victor I said...blah blah blah, insert some joke here..." I think the most I could relate was "She said hello." And that took all I had. Now, everyone would say that that is just natural, that my confidence and comfortableness where I am has obviously increased in the almost two years I've been here, and of course, you're right. But I am still suprised. Some days I walk going "Seriously. Did I just do that?"

Last night my husband (that word still feels perfectly right and incredibly foreign every time I say (write) it) and I went to a concert put on at the Seminary - Keith and Kristyn Getty. They are up and coming modern hymnwriters and the music was amazing. Even more so, the atmosphere of the chapel on campus. It is an immense building, with slanted wood floors and large columns dotted throughout the sanctuary. Pipes for the organ glimmering on the forward wall, and large floor to ceiling stained glass windows lining each side. Put a full house of seminary students, faculty, spouses, and local church members together in it and lead them in worship and WOW. At the end of the service, the Dean of Faculty, Dr. Nelson, who was in "charge" was understandably reluctant for it all to end. There was this air of waiting on behalf of the congregation, an unwilllingness to leave when the Spirit was moving so powerfully. So, after a moment of whispered discussion, during which Kristyn Getty made the tongue-in-cheek comment, "Oh, no, I don't care, you're the man, you decide" (that made me giggle), the question was posed to the congregation - what did we want to sing? And the unanimous answer was their song "The Power of the Cross". Amazing. So they sang as a special a personal song of theirs, and then the congregation joined in singing "The Power of the Cross". It was hard to leave. Especially when studying (for Josh) and cleaning (for me) awaited.

To tie this all into my theme... As we turned to leave the service, people several rows behind us started gesturing and calling Josh's name. I turned around and drew total blanks as to who they were - but Josh turned and began moving over and giving neck hugs. I stood there, I know, looking lost and dumb, until one woman reached her hand out to me and said "how are you, hon?" or something to that effect and Josh introduced me as his wife. She said something politely rude as "Oh, I had heard about that, but I didn't get an invitation..." as we moved down the pew. sidenote: I HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE. So no, she didn't get invited to my wedding. We had to leave out people I actually knew. Anyway, we get down to the end, and Josh reaches his hand out to a man who is vaguely familiar. My mind started quickly racing trying to place who exactly he was, when it clicked! Paul Brewster, pastor of the church Josh served as youth pastor at, oh, I don't know, about 4 years ago. He reached out his hand tomorrow, and actually remembered my name, I think, and as Josh introduced me as his wife, made some comment that "Oh, yes, you two were off and on when you left. And now you're married." Like four years later, that is some suprising feat. Josh replied, that yes, we were permanently on. And we graciously took our leave, you might say. All that (I am long-winded) more just to mention how running into someone you haven't seen at all in four years causes you to think about how much has changed since then. Josh and I both are very different people that we were then. Our relationship has morphed in ways I am still suprised about every day, and so I guess it's interesting to run into people who have no concept of the changes. Paul never knew me personally really, but I hope that last night, greeting him as a seminary wife/chemist/20 something I projected, at least in part, on the outside, some of the change that has taken place on the inside. Especially since the last time he probably saw me, and I have no idea when that was, I was probably a nighteen-ish, stressed-out Biology student, who had a boyfriend that lived too far away and who had probably driven forty-five minutes out to a Wednesday night service when she really felt like she should be at home studying, ministry being her only opportunity to spend time with the love of the life (that she would not have described as the love of her life at the time.) I was distracted, younger, and easily irritated I believe. Especially with Josh. It was all so precarious - I just hope that the stability I feel now (at least in Josh and I's relationship, if not in life) showed through, just a little bit.

That said, the whole meeting threw my husband off a bit too. For different reasons, I believe. He "walked" it off reading sports news on the internet, and I did the same strolling the aisles of the grocery store at 9 pm. The same but different. In this. And everything.

Looking on the Bright Side

2007-03-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

"That is one good thing about this world. . .there are always sure to be more springs."
- Anne Shirley, Anne of Avonlea
written by Lucy Maud Montgomery

I have a serious case of spring fever - imagine when April comes! For now, each day is spent waiting for lunch, so I can head to the park and read and swing. A brief respite of real life mixed in with all this work stuff.

AND! It was still light outside when I arrived home at 7 o'clock last night! (We don't want to talk about why it took me until 7 pm to get home from work...)

AND! Although I love the light, the time change? Killing me. My body is in full rebellion and the last two mornings have been a mighty battle of willpower- me against my body. Goodness gracious. Yesterday I don't think I began to recover from having to be awake until after lunch. This morning Josh rolled out of bed and promptly declared that he was going back to bed when he got home. To which I added, "And I'm taking Benadryl at 9 o'clock." Should be a fun night at the Greene household. Maybe we will slip one of the Disney movies I borrowed from my parent's house in before the sleeping. (Yes. We are grown. On the outside, at least. And no, we don't have children.)

I think I can finally justify going to lunch now...

Hi!

2007-02-20T14:03:00.000-08:00

I'm Carrie, and I work with idiots.

The Best Time EVER.

2007-01-29T09:47:00.000-08:00

Christie has posted a brief bit about the wedding here.

Tap Dancing Penguin!

2006-11-06T09:49:00.000-08:00


Could it be any better?

Happy Feet Heartsong Clip

2006-11-06T09:42:00.000-08:00


This movie is making me smile already - So ridiculously cute and fantastic!

Oh, so this is what everyone was talking about...

2006-11-02T10:16:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHH.

By Golly, if I make it through the next 45 days it will be by the GRACE OF GOD alone.

Seriously.

22 things.

2006-10-03T11:58:00.000-07:00

So, today has been a bit of an off day, not just for me, but for my favorite people, and my heart hurts. So I thought that dusting off the old blog and making a list might cheer things up. A list of happy things it is!

Things that are making me happy these days (in no particular order):

New TV seasons. It may make me shallow, but I'm jazzed that the Gilmore Girls tonight is not a rerun. And Grey's Anatomy! WOO!
Christmas idea magazines. I found this great one from Better Homes and Gardens and some of the ornament ideas are pretty and tasteful - I made several from one example last night.
Fall. It's nice for a change not to sweat to death over lunch break. I can actually hear the electric company losing money. And see above: It's getting less and less crazy for me to be talking about Christmas stuff.
Yoplait yogurt. Sometimes, I just go through these phases...
Coffee. As always. I went through this thing with my throat - Don't take Doxycycline! - and had to go on coffee restriction for two weeks. Those were some sad mornings...
Our porch kitty, Serious Black. A stray found us (Like we need three cats!) and it has long black hair but with these little white tufts coming out of his ears. And there's hair between his toes. And he has slate blue eyes. (we were goners from the start.)
Home cooked meals at Mom's house on the weekends. Let me just tell ya'll - my momma knows how to lay out a fantastic table of food. And then snuggling up to The Boy and napping to football, it can't get much better than that.
Wedding rings. YAY!
Pretty, pretty wedding dress. I go get fitted tomorrow. Double YAY!
Suprise yellow roses. I knew there was a reason I was marrying him.
The return of a soup season. Hurrah for easy meals.
My new makeup - Bare Minerals. It actually makes me excited to try in the mornings.
Monday Night Football. I don't really care, but I still love it. Well, except for Joe Theismann.
My bestest friend. She's the only person with whom I can just sit with a brownie and a cup of coffee and talk for hours. And who will let me put on an old Cary Grant movie for background noise.
The Fray, Over My Head. This cd is the soundtrack to my life right now. Can't. Stop. Listening.
Our Honeymoon cottage. Small, but perfect.
Good, good sleep. Bad, bad alarm clock...
The return of my button-up oxford shirts. They make looking polished in the morning almost effortless (and comfortable).
My new jingle bell Christmas wreath. (see what I mean about the Christmas thing?)
Wednesday night bible study through Psalms. Thank you Dr. Akin - I never knew.
Having a caterer for the wedding. Ok. I can breathe now.
Dooce, Pamie, Mighty Girl (and Mighty Goods), Sweet Juniper, Hashai, TWOP.

That's enough for right now. I guess.

As promised....

2006-08-09T15:47:00.000-07:00

The gist so far is:

Germany was devastated, France was devastated (1 in 4 men age 18-30 – Gone.) The Bigwigs are meeting in Paris – an unfortunate location because the French are so angry; they had hoped to meet in Geneva but after hearing that Switzerland was on the verge of revolution (Switzerland, really?) and that the whole place was swarming with German spies they had to give in to France’s pleas to have it in their capital city. Colonel Edward House (trusted advisor to President Woodrow Wilson) commented, “It will be difficult enough at best to make a just peace, and it will be almost impossible to do so while sitting in the atmosphere of a belligerent capital. It might turn out well and yet again it might be a tragedy.”

Commentary proceeds from here:

The Peace Conference of 1919 made Paris the capital of the World and involved, at its heart, three men of power, men as apt to human error as the citizens they represented. They came together in the midst of war-torn Europe with the large goal of peace and reconciliation, and the most noted result was the Treaty of
Versailles, signed in June 1919.

Mighty Europe has torn itself to shreds, predictably over a power squabble in the Balkans. The saying “Absolute power corrupts absolutely,” comes to mind – a commentary on the devastation inherent to desire for influence. The only countries that had managed to stay out of the war were Spain, Switzerland, the Netherlands, and Scandinavia. At the end of the war, Austria-Hungary, a larger country in the middle of Europe, had
disappeared. Left in her place was a small collection of newborn and reborn countries: Poland, Lithuania, Estonia, Latvia, Yugoslavia, Czechoslovakia. As peacemakers met, new borders were being traced, dotted lines creating temporary entities, across these lands.

“Self-determination” was the watchword of the time– a phrase gleaned from the comments pouring from the White House. A idea thrown from behind a press conference throng of microphones, its impact was hard to crawl out from under. As Secretary of State Robert Lansing remarked, “When the President talks of ‘Self-determination,’ what unit has he in mind? Does he mean a race, a territorial area, or a community?...It will raise hopes which can never be realized. It will, I fear, cost thousands of lives. In the end it is bound to be discredited, to be called the dream of an idealist who failed to realize the danger until it was too late.” The phrases served as an inspiration to peoples all over the world – “Autonomous development”, “the right of those who submit to authority to have a voice in their own governments” – but the intention was vague. Did Wilson actually mean that any people who called themselves a nation should have their own state? The possible implications of such is an arresting thought.

From this we see the roots of modern problems:

Among them one would list:…the crisis over Iraq(whose present borders resulted from Franco-British rivalries and casual map-making); the continuing quest of the the Kurds for self-determination; disputes between Greece and Turkey; and the endless struggle between Arabs and Jews over land that each thought had been promised them.

And the immediate regret:

"I cannot say for how many years, perhaps I should say for how many centuries, the crisis that has begun will continue," predicted Georges Clemenceau, whose own behavior contributed to the failure. "Yes, this treaty will bring us burdens, troubles, miseries, difficulties, and that will continue for long years."

In Paris three men met, Woodrow Wilson, President of the United States of America, Georges Clemenceau, Prime Minister of France, and David Lloyd George, Prime Minister of Britain, assisted by their respective advisors, and in their hands they held the beginnings of a new world.

More to come later.

A plea to the Powers That Be

2006-08-04T08:05:00.000-07:00

Oh, for the weekend.

Everyone has been way too needy this week.

Work and love life.
Friend life has been good.

but I'm drained for the weekdays - I need a beach day (don't know that thats going to happen either, but I'm holding my breath.)

Yeah, So...

2006-08-02T09:28:00.000-07:00

Since my track record indicates that I have failed miserably in the maintenance of this blog, especially, um, when it comes to you know, writing in it, and considering that I am now being threatened with judgement from on high:

A Legal Motion, on behalf of Dawn
From: Dawn
Fri, Jul 28, 2006 at 3:55 PM
To: Felicity

Felicity -

According to said agreement of summer 2005, both
involved parties - Miss Felicity, Mrs. Dawn- were under obligation to
heretofor entertain former and latter parties with the details
of life's current ruminations on specified blogspot.com. Currently, you
have been found in a direct breach of this contract, and if not immediately
rectified, the situation may be taken to the Supreme Judge (God Almighty of
the Highest Heaven district). Please note that the consequences of your
actions affects Mrs. Dawn's emotional state and boredom levels, for
which she is currently under strict observation as she presents symptoms of
detrimentally high levels of both boredom and said unsteady mental fixations.
The Supreme Judge is partial to preserving her mental health, so please be aware
that He is fair, but sometimes harsh, in His penalties.

We thank you
in advance for your cooperation.

Sincerely,

Angel Right, of
Golden Gates Law and Order

I feel as though something must be done about this little endeavor of mine.

So this morning when I mentioned to Dawn about the new book I got, and that I bought it hoping (against my better judgement) that I would read it and to, um, make myself feel smarter by owning it (kinda like watching the West Wing) (maybe the knowledge would move from the bookshelf to my brain (diffusion maybe?) ) (how many parenthetical statements are allowed in a sentence?) - anyway, when I mentioned the book, she said "You should read it and write about it on your blog." And, due to the abovementioned threat, I feel that having something to keep up with on the blog would be a good thing, and also possibly a motivator to read the book, I think I may take her up on the idea. Question is: Do you also want commentary on the other book I'm reading, the O.S. Hawkins volume? You would initially say "No, Boring!" but it is actually quite stimulating and correct, and actually maybe more interesting than the meeting of the minds in Paris. Ah, we'll see how much commentary one blog can handle. Maybe this will also motivate me to read more at night when really all my brain has the energy to do is watch House or CSI on TV. Maybe.

Grace and Salt

2006-07-28T13:24:00.000-07:00

"Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned with salt,

that you may know how you ought to answer each one."

Colossians 4:6

This weekend I spent some time in the mountains, enjoying the change of scenery and change of pace. We did some hiking and swimming but most importantly Josh and I both did some studying. In the evenings we would sit at the campsite under his canopy shelter and have a cup of tea, each of us reading in the Bible and other study books, me Guidestones, written by O.S. Hawkins, and he, a study of Mark. We would discuss interesting things as we came across them, something we were reading sparking a conversation about church policy or preaching styles or the language of Psalms (Psalm 42:7). I didn't however share what came to my mind when I read this verse (I think I was referred to it by the Hawkins book). I'm not sure why, except I was suprised by my immediate reaction and a little stunned. Maybe I need some time of my own to see how I feel about it.

As I read Colossians 4:6 I realized that it was at the center of my desires in ministry. At the core of what I want to accomplish (and I'm not even sure what that is yet - brief glimmers cling to my dreams) there is a desire to be able to ministry in word as well as in deed. To overcome my fear that I will not say the right thing or say what is needed. Those who know me know that my speech isn't always with grace (One word: Sarcasm.) - I'm not crude at all, but I can be a little less graceful that I might should sometimes, usually only among a select few "kindred spirits", not so much in public.

Anyway, the verse struck me deep sitting in the middle of the woods, and has now become the sincere prayer of the Pastor's Wife within me.

Oh, I forgot the best part...

2006-06-26T11:30:00.000-07:00

So, I forgot to mention that while we were playing Mancala, Crystal and I, on the porch last night, we let the cats out of the house (they are indoor pets) to roam around the porch. The rain kept them pretty much contained to where it is dry, until Hobbes figured out that if she stayed along side the edge of the duplex she would stay out of the wet stuff falling from the sky (she's the orange tabby, the mischievious one). So off she went, weaving through the porch rail posts, darting along the brick wall towards the side of the duplex that is not ours. I fetched her on her first attempt, running through the sprinkling rain holding up the legs of my pajama pants to keep them dry, pinning the cat to the grass, then picking her up and depositing her back on the porch. The second attempt it was Crystal's turn, but as I watched her head for Hobbes, I saw Hobbes take a familiar squat-like stance. It wasn't until Crystal began to lift the cat that I realized what was going on. Leaning over the porch rail, in the most Southern accent imaginable (and excuse my crudeness) I began yelling "She's peeing! She's peeing!" several times over, but only once Crystal got her off the ground and towards her body and something warm landed on her foot did she process what I was saying. She cried "She's peeing!" in an even stronger accent than mine, and dropped the cat, who at this point was quite startled. I laughed so hard I cried, clinging onto the rail in order to remain in an upright position. Crystal doubled over and both of us had to catch our breath before I could explain that the cat couldn't help it, she was in the middle of the action when Crystal lifted her. Crystal had originally thought that she had startled Hobbes somehow and the cat had lost control. Regardless, the cats went inside after that. And Crystal changed her dress. And the neighbors are filing to have us committed as the two crazy cat ladies.

My Times

2006-06-26T10:36:00.000-07:00

I spent the weekend doing little more than nothing, alternating between lying on the couch watching dvds and sitting on the couch, crocheting, and um, watching dvds. I did go to a movie on Friday night, breakfast on Saturday morning, and church on Sunday morning, but pretty much other than that - the couch. It was fantastic. I so rarely get to do that anymore on the weekends - usually they are a frenetic whirlwind of activity, framed by 4 hours of driving, a couple of days where I seem to do everything but clean my house, which by the weekend, is usually in dire need. You see, I live near the middle of the state, where I moved almost a year ago, after graduating college, to start my first job. My fiance (more later) lives in our hometown, the place I moved away from, down at the coast, two hours away from me. So each weekend, I pack up Thursday night and leave Friday afternoon, headed to the beach where my real life is. Here, it's my alternate life, the single one, where I'm the only person who cares about my plans for the evening, or what I eat for dinner. There, we're a couple, involved in the church where he is the youth minister, circled by family and friends, and always having something that needs to be accomplished. There, there is a group of mostly 12, 13, and 14 year-olds who look up to us and call us, and with whom we spend every other Friday night, Josh beginning at 6, me usually between 7 and 8, whenever I can get there. There, there are VBS skit practices and skits on Sunday mornings, dinner with church members, Saturday dinner with his parents, Sunday lunch with mine. There, I find my home, my perspective, with him, I am reminded who I really am, and that freedom allows me to be who I have to be Monday through Friday.

This weekend I wasn't there and it was suprisingly strange how it felt, spending the whole weekend at home. Josh was in Gulfport, MS for the past week, with the youth, rebuilding a home as part of the Katrina Relief program. The group didn't return until Saturday night and since he would be exhausted and Sundays are busy anyway, it made sense for me not to drive down. So I crocheted on the afghan I'm working on, watched old movies with my roommate, cleaned and organized in my room (desperately needed), read more of Ruth Bell Graham's biography while sipping coffee on the porch, attended the church here I rarely get to visit anymore, played Mancala on the front porch while it lightly rained, watching the cats attempt to brave the raindrops, and snapped beans (which are currently cooking in the crockpot and will hopefully be really good by dinnertime. We'll see.). My roommate, Crystal, says I'm an old lady. And she's right. But it was a nice change. I miss Joshua, and even next weekend is up in the air for us, since it starts a change in his life that will change everything, but I'm anxious to see him.

Next weekend he packs up his apartment and moves his things into storage, where they will remain while he spends a month camping in the mountains, a sabbatical of sorts, before starting his master's at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary in August. The move puts him closer to me, but possibly busier than he is now, so how everything is going to work out is still to be determined. Tackle each thing as we get to it. We get married in December and everything will change again - this year has been one of change and adaptation. From there, only God knows where he will lead us, and my imagination can hardly suppose.

"For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

"But I trust in you, O Lord;

I say, 'You are my God.'

My times are in your hands...

Let your face shine on your servant;

save me in your unfailing love."

Psalms 31:14-15a, 16

Where I'm From

2006-06-23T11:29:00.000-07:00

I am from red clay and ocean, from the whistle of a pressure cooker, Mason jars and snap beans, Zapf dolls and homemade playdough.

I am from a ranch house surrounded by corn and sunflowers, a white parsonage and a driveway lined with pecan trees, a home colored by azaleas and the smell of the ocean.

I am from cattails and magnolia trees, weeping willows and Southern pines.

I am from flannel gowns and heaters, from hard-headedness, from Chris and Teresa, Rosie, Jimmy, Blaine and Ruth.

I am from men of faith and the women who stand beside them, from artists and heroes, and the need to be heard.

I am from "Do your best." and "She's all knees and elbows."

I am from brick churches and tall steeples, favorite hymns and amens, the heat of vacation bible school, the family of a youth group, homecoming and Good Friday and the sounds of praise lifted from joyous hearts. From the solidarity found over Sunday lunch in a Pastor's home and the strength that family provides when the church forgets God and takes it all forgranted.

I am from Carolina, small towns and train tracks, wooden farmhouses and cotton dresses and tobacco.

From a cinderblock apartment and food stamps, families of twelve, the beauty from an artist's brush, a wedding band worn for 59 years.

I am from truth and honesty, hard work, from homemade and love. From a life so blessed that I can hardly contain my gratefulness, loved by those of whom I can say "My loss is heaven's gain."

A-Z about me.

2006-06-22T14:09:00.000-07:00

Accent: Southern, all the way.
Best personality trait: I try to be as generous as I can.
Chore I hate: Cleaning out the refrigerator.
Dad's name: Chris
Essential make-up/skin care products: Chanel lipgloss.
Favorite perfume/cologne: Don't have one for me: Nautica and Armani Aqui Di Gio for men.
Gold or silver?: Gold.
Hometown: Leland, NC.
Interesting fact: I'm a Preacher's kid who's about to marry a preacher. And I have lived in a tent for the better part of two months.
Job title: Quality Control Lab Coordinator/Chemist.
Kids: None of my own.
Living arrangements: I lived alone until last month, now I have a friend for a roommate. Plus two cats.
Mom's birthplace: Charlotte, NC.
Number of apples eaten in the last week: None.
Overnight hospital stays: None.
Phobia: Snakes. And I'm a bit claustrophobic.
Question you ask yourself a lot: Am I really good enough?
Religion: Christian
Siblings: 2 brothers. Younger.
Time wake up: Around 7:15 am.
Unnatural hair color: Never.
Vegetable I Refuse to Eat: Beets.
Worst habit: Biting my fingernails. Saying "holy crap".
X-rays?: Broken my arm once and my thumb once. And had to extend my achilles tendon when I was a kid.
Yummy food I make: Brownies.
Zest or Dove: Dove.

I hate running.

2006-06-20T14:04:00.000-07:00

Let me just explain. I am not an exercise person. It's not so much that I'm a couch potato - I'm active, but I've never been a good gym rat. I don't see the fun in it. I went in college, some, but the whole time I was there I would be thinking "I'm bored. I could go home now. I'm hungry. I really need to study some more for that Organic exam. That girl has been on that stair climber for an eternity now. Her butt is perfect. She's making me tired. Maybe I should leave. Alright, I'm out." And there you go.

But the last couple days I've been thinking that I spend alot of time sitting on my tail. ALOT. At least during the week. And so, since I really have no other pressing engagements Monday through Thursday, I was thinking that maybe I should involve myself at the local YMCA. Join an aerobics class or take yoga or SOMETHING.

It's not that I'm fat or anything. I'm not. But I'm not in shape either. And summer + impending wedding are making me feel as though I should do something to rectify that particular characteristic.

So, tonight, I'm going to an aerobics class.

I think.

If I can find something to wear.

Spotted

2006-06-16T14:19:00.000-07:00

Today on my way back into work from lunch I almost ran into a turtle traveling the opposite direction on the sidewalk. A turtle! Wandering along its way outside my unnamed pharmaceutical company place of employment! What a wonderful thing!

I desperately wanted to save it, or at least transport it to someplace a little more green. The guy walking ahead of me asked if I had any food, but I did not. What do turtles eat anyway? Lettuce? Nuts? Small animals? I think plants, but unfortunately greens are not one of the many things I have in my purse today.

So, little turtle, thank you for brightening my day. I hope you made it to a homier place.

To the shrouded heart...

2006-06-14T10:50:00.000-07:00

The remnants of Alberto are falling outside, and my sinuses are making it so that the idea of my head exploding is becoming a positive thought.

For such a day, I thought this poem may serve as an apt complement.

The Poet's Obligation

Pablo Neruda

To whoever is not listening to the sea

this Friday morning, to whoever is cooped up

in house or office, factory or woman

or street or mine or dry prison cell,

to him I come, and without speaking or looking

I arrive and open the door of his prison,

and a vibration starts up, vague and insistent,

a long rumble of thunder adds itself

to the weight of the planet and the foam,

the groaning rivers of ocean rise,

the star vibrates quickly in its corona

and the sea beats, dies, and goes on beating.

So. Drawn on by my destiny,

I ceaselessly must listen to and keep

the sea's lamenting in my consciousness,

I must feel the crash of the hard water

and gather it up in a perpetual cup

so that, wherever those in prison may be,

wherever they suffer the sentence of the autumn,

I may be present with an errant wave,

I may move in and out of the windows

and hearing me, eyes may lift themselves,

asking, "How can I reach the sea?"

And I will pass to them, saying nothing,

the starry echoes of the wave,

a breaking up of foam and quicksand,

a rustling of salt withdrawing itself,

the gray cry of sea birds on the coast.

So, through me, freedom and the sea

will call in answer to the shrouded heart.

(translated from Spanish by Alastair Reid)

And by that I mean...

2006-06-13T10:22:00.000-07:00

I got this list from Catharine. (I'm just a no good thief today aren't I?)

List up to ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation.'

1. Seriously? SHUT. UP.

2. I try not to think of a world without you, because all I see is myself curled into the fetal position, wishing for the darkness to swallow me up.

3. Can't you see you're your own worst enemy? It's not even subtle.

4. I can't really imagine how you feel right now. I only know how I feel and I try to multiply it one hundred times over.

5. If there was anyone in the world I could stand to be on a deserted island with and not end up bickering with constantly, it would be you.

6. I really do just wish that you would go away and leave the rest of us alone.

7. I don't miss you, but I selfishly wonder how you feel about everything that's going on. Does it hurt?

8. I hope that one day this journey brings you full circle and you bring out all the characteristics you have hidden away and add them to the ones I already enjoy. I would really like to hang out with that person.

9. I'm very sad right now.

10. Life becomes a big, fun party when you are a part of it and by that I am truly blessed.

100 Things

2006-06-13T09:12:00.000-07:00

I straight stole this from Heather. Enjoy!

First, the instructions, if you want to do it: Fill in numbers instead of Xs. Cut and paste with "I have done # of these 158 things" in the cut tag.

I Have Done 100 of These 158 Things

[1] I have read a lot of books.
[ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team.
[ ] I have run more than two miles without stopping.
[ ] I have been to Canada.
[2] I have been to Europe.
[3] I have watched cartoons for hours.
[4] I have tripped UP the stairs.
[5] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs.
[6] I have been snowboarding/skiing.
[7] I have played ping pong.
[8] I swam in the ocean.
[ ] I have been on a whale watch.
[9] I have seen fireworks.
[10] I have seen a shooting star.
[ ] I have seen a meteor shower.
[ ] I have almost drowned. (I have known someone who drowned. And my little brother almost did.)
[11] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear.
[12] I have listened to one CD over and over and over again.
[ ] I have had stitches.
[ ] I have had frostbite.
[ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there.
[13] I have stayed up til 2 (and beyond) doing homework/projects.
[14] I have been ice skating.
[15] I have been rollerblading.
[16] I have fallen flat on my face.
[17] I have tripped over my own two feet.
[ ] I have been in a fist fight.
[18] I have played videogames for more than three hours straight. (But only original Mario Brothers.)
[19] I have watched the Power Rangers.
[20] I attend church regularly.
[21] I have played Truth or Dare.
[22] I have already had my 16th birthday.
[23] I have already had my 17th birthday.
[24] I've called someone stupid.
[25] I've been in a verbal argument.
[26] I've cried in school.
[ ] I've played basketball on a team.
[ ] I've played baseball on a team.
[ ] I've played football on a team.
[ ] I've played soccer on a team.
[ ] I've done cheerleading on a team.
[27 ] I've played softball on a team.
[ ] I've played volleyball on a team.
[ ] I've played tennis on a team.
[ ] I've been on a track or cross country team.
[28] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life.
[ ] I've bungee jumped.
[ ] I've climbed a rock wall.
[ ] I've lost more than $20 (in possession at one time)
[29] I've called myself an idiot.
[30] I've called someone else an idiot.
[31] I've cried myself to sleep.
[32] I've had (or have) pets.
[33] I've owned a Spice Girls CD/cassette.
[ ] I've owned a Britney Spears CD.
[34] I've owned an N*Sync CD.
[ ] I've owned a Backstreet Boys CD.
[35] I've mooned someone.
[ ] I have sworn/yelled at someone of authority before.
[36] I've been in the newspaper.
[37] I've been on TV.
[ ] I've been to Hawaii.
[38] I've eaten sushi.
[39] I've been on the other side of a waterfall.
[40] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies.
[41] I've watched all the Harry Potter movies.
[ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies.
[42 ] I've watched the Three Stooges.
[43] I've watched Newlyweds.
[44] I've watched Looney Tunes.
[ ] I've been stuffed into a locker/I have stuffed others into lockers.
[45] I've been called a geek.
[46] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade.
[47] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it.
[48 ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hours.
[ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours.
[49] I've met a celebrity/music artist.
[50] I've written poetry.
[ ] I've been arrested.
[51] I've been attracted to someone much older than me.
[52] I've been tickled till I've cried.
[53] I've tickled someone else until they cried.
[54] I've had/have siblings.
[55] I've been to a rock concert.
[56] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it.
[57] I've been in a play.
[58 ] I've been picked last in gym class.
[59 ] I've been picked first in gym class.
[60] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class.
[61] I've cried in front of my friends.
[ ] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages.
[ ] I've played Halo 2.
[ ] I've freaked out over a sports game.
[ ] I've been to Alaska.
[ ] I've been to China.
[ ] I've been to Spain.
[ ] I've been to Japan.
[62] I've had a fight with someone on AIM/MSN.
[63] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face.
[64] I've had serious conversations on any IM.
[65] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me.
[66] I've been forgiven.
[67] I've screamed at a scary movie.
[68] I've cried at a chick flick.
[69] I've watched a lot of action movies.
[ ] I've screamed at the top of my lungs.
[ ] I've been to a rap concert.
[ ] I've been to a hip hop concert.
[70] I've lived in more than 2 houses.
[71] I've driven on the highway/been on the highway.
[72] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day/been in a car that went more than 40 miles in a day.
[73] I've been in a car accident.
[ ] I've done drugs.
[74] I've been homesick.
[75] I've thrown up.
[ ] I've thrown up on someone.
[76] I've been horseback riding.
[ ] I've filled out more than 10 MySpace/LJ surveys.
[77] I've spoken my mind in public.
[78] I've proven someone wrong.
[79] I've been proven wrong by someone.
[ ] I've broken a leg.
[80] I've broken an arm.
[ ] I've fallen off a swing.
[81] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 minutes straight. (I consider this an action of catharsis. I admit it.)
[82] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies.
[83] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school.
[ ] I've lost my backpack.
[ ] I've come close to dying.
[ ] I've seen someone die.
[84] I've known someone who has died.
[85] I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point.
[86] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings.
[87] I've taken something/someone for granted.
[88] I've realized how good my life is.
[89] I've counted my blessings.
[90] I've made fun of a classmate.
[91] I've been asked out by someone and I said no.
[ ] I've slapped someone in the face.
[92] I've been skateboarding.
[ ] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend.
[93] I've lied to someone to their face.
[94] I've told a little white lie.
[95] I've taken a day off from school just so I don't go insane.
[96] I've fainted.
[97] I've had an argument with someone about whether cheerleading is a sport or not.[98] I've pushed someone into a pool.
[99] I've been pushed into a pool.
[100] I've been/am in love.

The Fray

2006-05-30T11:51:00.000-07:00

Let's rearrange

I wish you were a stranger I could disengage

Just say that we agree and then never change

Soften a bit until we all just get along

"Over My Head", The Fray

What?

2006-05-09T14:10:00.000-07:00

It's not like I haven't written in 6 months - What are you looking at me like that for? Huh? Huh?

I never said I'd be good at this. I know better.

In other news - EVERYTHING CHANGED. Or almost everything. Gas stayed expensive. The cats are still crazy. But the rest of it, changed. Jokes became reality, and the things I do every day suddenly took on a very real life of their own.

It would definitely be creepy, if it wasn't so good.

That said, breakup of the ages reversed itself and now I find myself getting married in December to the very guy I didn't want to face last Thanksgiving. And so it goes...

(tap, tap - Is this thing on? Dawn, are you getting this?)

Turkey Day Eve

2005-11-23T08:46:00.000-08:00

By the end of the day yesterday, Dawn and I were planning dinner via email and discussing the fact that since her husband got his Christmas present yesterday (!) we could watch Gilmore Girls in peace (Nothing happened! Nothing at all that wasn't in the previews! Oh, except Logan and Rory no longer date- eh.). This lead to the discussion of the random Christmasey things we had each been doing lately, i.e. listening to Christmas music, putting up a few random decorations (her), spreading out holiday things in the guestroom in preparation (me). Now she has been holiday-ing it up for a little while now, since for her and her husband Christmas decorations are equivalent to a whole bottle of antidepressants. Bad day at work- set out a Santa figurine. I love 'em for it. So, since I spend half my time at their house, it's not suprising that I too have entered into the Christmas spirit full-tilt, guns-a-blazing, ATM card ready, all homey and family-ey and stuff.

That said and before I even get into this next little bit, I have a confession to make. It's a known fact that I am an 80 year old in a 22 year old's body (and a nice one at that- hardeeharhar.) but a lesser known one that I can actually channel my grandmothers. All of them. Maybe not at the same time- but that doesn't diminish the gift- don't even try to let it. This is serious business. So last night's behavior was the result of my possession by my great-grandmother (still alive) and is just an extension of a similar possession last year in the Kohl's home goods holiday sale area. Before I even say this: Don't judge me. If you could come to my house and see the magical wonders which I plan to perform with just this tidbit of Christmas tradition, well... you'd be impressed. And on that note - I bought village houses. Big ones. Lots of them. I couldn't stop. Now, keep in mind that the Christmas fairies had marked them down to $6 each. And that they are very pretty. And you can buy a taxi to put in front of the train station. And in my defense, my grandmother has put up a village scene at Christmas as long as I can remember and we always looked forward to going over and turning on the lights, squatting down beside the table and examining all the people, skating or walking or sitting on benches, and the church with the ringing bells... So, see? I had no other choice for my first Christmas away from home but to set up a village. Besides, my best friend did it before me, and this year hers is especially lovely sitting on the bar between her kitchen and den, and (to her personal decorating triumph) far away from little boys' hands.

Now my people may be terrorized by giant cat-like monsters, squashing the quaint scene like King Kong in Tokyo, but for a moment, it will be peaceful and beautiful.

I will be driving home tonight for Thanksgiving and although I don't have a bed to sleep on (my parents seriously need a sleeper sofa) I am excited about the parade watching and food EATING and football SLEEPING and SHOPPING that will be occurring in the next few days. I am driving on like the worst night for holiday driving, the day before, so pray for me as I navigate the giddy home-goers. Plus I'm traveling with cats. And while in the past they have been super-travelers, sleeping like champions all the way from here to the beach, or here to the grandparents, the last small trip we took, an hour and some change down country roads, Hobbes hollered the whole way as if she was being tortured with hot pokers or catnip hanging outside the carrier ( Yeah, I don't know about the metaphor. It's the best I could do. Just roll with me here). So, we'll see how all that goes. Is there any product that puts cats to sleep? I mean, not that I would do something like that, but just asking? It will totally be worth it though, to eat the cranberry concoction a family friend makes at the holidays, of which some is already present at my house and about which my mom made a special phone call just to inform me of the aforementioned presence. I seriously love this stuff. Will be stealing the leftovers and smuggling them home love. Open up the fridge with spoon ready love.

I hopefully will be making a pit stop mid-journey to visit with my almost sister and her fiance, who are home from college (I know- they're too young. I tried.) to introduce the cats and share Thanksgiving greetings. Usually our families celebrate together, but this year as a result of a series of events involving me and her brother and the breakup of the ages (that's how I imagine it is described in our mothers' heads) - no dice. While I am okay with the whole families celebrating together thing (we must get used to it sometime, best before there are spouses involved) he apparently is a wuss. Or that's how I choose to see it. So I will visit beforehand, and enjoy the angst-free, awkwardless, non-heel-wearing sleep I will garner on my parent's couch tomorrow afternoon.

And now, abruptly, I must begin the last work day of the week (Thank goodness). Thanksgiving greetings to all!

Keep on shinin'

2005-11-17T15:00:00.000-08:00

Having faith in the long run is easier said than done
It's hard to live out in the light of day
You're bruised and you're battered, your dreams have been shattered
Your best laid plans scattered all over the place

Despite all your tendencies, God sees it differently
Your struggle's a time to grow
And you, you're a miracle, anything but typical
It's time for the whole wide world to know

Keep on, keep on shinin'
Wherever you may be
Keep on, keep on shinin'
For all the world to see

"Keep on Shinin'" Third Day, Wherever You Are

Look, they grew!

2005-11-02T08:05:00.000-08:00

A Blustery Day...

2005-10-24T16:27:00.000-07:00

"Don't ask what the world needs.
Ask what makes you come alive and go do it.
Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."
Howard Thurman

Semantic Geometry

2005-10-12T22:56:00.000-07:00

We speak a sort of semantic geometry in which the shortest distance between any two points is a fullish circle. Franny and Zooey, J.D. Salinger
There's a girl I know. She's amazing and talented and maybe the most sympathetic person I have ever met. The first time I met her she had to undergo the cursory high school ridicule, because we were all jealous and afraid our boyfriends would like her more than us. The frustrating part was that it was understandable. She was sweet and innocent and not sarcastic in the least (Over the years she has honed her sarcasm skills- a fact I take most of the credit for). She was the friend you would always want to have, the kind you desperately wished for when you felt deserted at 13 (in the heartbreaking world of the preteen). It was almost like our lives aligned for that bit in time, for those four years. Preacher's daughters, we both could commiserate on things other kids didn't understand. She moved to our little town on her birthday, the summer before ninth grade. Pretty quickly she melded into our group and we all changed together. By senior year, there was still the group but it was shaped differently and we two plus three other girls spent that year doing everything but schoolwork. We all went separate ways, but managed to keep mostly in touch (with a few gaps). We are all in different places now, but Dawn and I have been blessed somehow and are now closer, distance-wise, than we have been in four years.
It's fantastic to make new friends and learn new people but one of the comforts of my life is having someone who knows all my stories and understands me, no explanations required, no blubbering needed about how I'm Crazy And I Know It, But Just Listen...- She gets all that. I only have to blubber if it makes me feel better about the awfully stupid thing I just let happen.
On top of doing all these things I knew she would and slowly making her dreams come true (whether she believes or not) she is also raising two beautiful boys that I adore almost as much as I adore her. Almost! There are days when her selflessness baffles me, and in that same moment where motherhood seems like some kind of masochistic torture we inflict upon ourselves, I want that kind of love in my life.
But for now, I reside in a self-world where I, for the most part, set the who-what-when-and-wheres. Unfortunately, sometimes I get caught up in living day-to-day and don't follow through on the good friend thoughts that bounce through my mind. My bestest friend has been totally laying herself down for her family for weeks now, while they're sick and she's tired and noone is sleeping. The loves in my life now are my extended family, the ones that aren't related to me by blood, but are the ones I chose, or rather, the ones God chose for me. Because of that HUGE blessing, I have one more strong woman to look up to.
So for all these things and more- Late night book editing sessions, little boy kisses and sandbox hands, coffee, chocolate, Friends and Gilmore Girls and SATC, book quotes, procastinating emails and college applications, fellowships and curfews, that time with the singing and the hairbrushes and LFO, tobaggans and dreams, randomness, shared boys (not the little ones), crying, venting, coffee, hats, setting new trends, that one time where we reunited in a Subway, deep questions, car karaoke, scary kid stories, coffee, walks, presenting a solid front against all the stupid things boys do, hopes and fears and all those other crazy things that happen in between- Thank you. And I've thought of you even though you haven't heard from me. I promise.
To Dawn- for understanding my semantic geometry. One day, we'll get our magic beans.

I suck.

2005-09-21T17:22:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure I could be any more lame about posting on this thing...

But now its time to escape the prison and go home.

The Walk of Shame

2005-09-13T14:21:00.000-07:00

You know how you have those moments where you ponder a relationship or see the person again and almost gag from the thought of it? And maybe you even thought at the time 'This will come back to haunt me' but then the haunting happens sooner than you think, and you just want to kick yourself? A relationship where even though you were once involved with that person (on some level) the thought of doing it again is revolting? You wonder how you could have been so foolish/delusional/desperate and you swear (foolishly) never to talk about it again for shame?

Having one of those right now.

Overheard

2005-09-13T10:51:00.000-07:00

Head of Company: I don't know sir, maybe it's the thick air here in North Carolina, or maybe it's magic...

Foreign voice emanating from speakerphone (emphatically): It's not magic...

And American humor divebombs into the Atlantic Ocean....

Listen- Hear it? Nothing.

2005-09-09T08:47:00.000-07:00

I'm tired this morning. I got plenty of sleep, this with the intention of getting up and to work earlier because I am going out of town (again!) today. I did get up earlier, but not quite early enough and because we don't paid for clocking in 15 minutes before our start time (it either must be earlier or later) and since I didn't make it out of the house to get to work by 7:30, I showed up at 8 and ate breakfast at home, an unusual occurrence as of late. 8 AM is earlier than I have been getting here, so mission accomplished- kinda- and now if I can only do the twenty million errands I need to do in 30 minutes, I can leave at 5. Do I see that happening? Only if my WonderWoman skills kick in in the next few hours. Here's hoping.

It's nice here in the mornings. Quieter, at least in the cube area. The door to the lab is behind my cube, so I am accustomed to a constant in/out squeak, plus the knowledge that everyone looks to see what I'm up to. Must Look Busy. Also, the supervisor over my supervisor sits in an office across from me, and it is too early for him to be yelling in the phone yet, on speakerphone, with the door open. He actually doesn't yell so much as just talks loud in combination with a brusque manner of speaking, but that rationale doesn't matter so much when you're trying to THINK. So, I'm forming a habit of coming in and breathing for a minute, gauging the day, drinking my coffee, before the hustle and bustle picks up, and that gives everyone in the lab time to do their mobile phase prep craziness before I go in there and try to get some work done.

I was just informed though, that there are things waiting for me- fun things, like big napkins we use as much as air and 10 ml syringes everyone is freaking out about, so I am off with my handy boxcutter.

Later gator.

Fog inside the Glass

2005-09-08T16:55:00.000-07:00

When Autumn comes, it doesn't ask

It just walks in where it left you last

You never know when it starts

Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart

"Something's Missing" John Mayer

There’s a chill when I leave for work in the morning. Today I stepped on brown leaves as I walked to my car for lunch. Once again, football is the white noise to my Sunday afternoon naps. I feel as though this year, even more so that others, autumn has stolen in and taken the place of summer, swiftly, almost imperceptibly, so that in the end, we begin wearing sweaters and planning for holidays without even realizing that summer has left. Perhaps this year it is all the more strange because I did not herald the end of summer by returning to school. This brief blending in of seasons is usually masked by first exams and multiple checks of the school calendar to verify the dates for fall break. Instead this year, it has melted away, leaving a longing for more evenings in a warm blanket of summer air, soaking in the last moments of twilight after dinner. Soon, sexy summer feelings will be replaced by the cozy hug of autumn and everything will feel different. I love coming through the door during the cooler months to the smell of home and food, and then the twinkle that covers the world as December creeps nearer. This September I am caught up in reminiscing of last year at this time. To me, this year has slipped away and memories are close, but covered in the haze of time, so smells and sensations remain, but any awkwardness or pain has begun to dissolve away. Perhaps that is one of the best flaws of human nature- the inability to capture every memory in perfect clarity. That haze is the healer that allows a renewal as each season changes.

Caps Lock Restraint In Action

2005-08-31T08:51:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this gas situation...is out of control. I understand all the oil rigs are shut down due to Katrina. I understand that New Orleans is a major port for foreign imports. I also understand that what gas stations pay for gas and what we pay for gas are two different things. So, are the gas stations making an even larger profit due to one of the largest disasters in the U.S. in recent years, and they have an excuse we can't really question because you know, didn't you hear the news, HALF THE SOUTH IS UNDERWATER? Please, please tell me that the margin between wholesale and retail prices isn't increasing as costs increase. That's all I ask. I can' t even imagine what Californians (of which I am not) are paying. Or maybe it's less since they may have different suppliers for the west coast versus the east coast (where I am). Question for the day.

And now, on a happier note- My sore throat is gone. You didn't know I had one, but I did, and it's gone. Unfortunately, in its wake it left a cough and a little groggy feeling, but hey, at least today I feel a different kind of bad! Yay! Obviously, the sarcasm is still intact.

The real happy note is...wait for it, wait for it....dum dum da dum...I got kittens! Two- a brother and sister, who are still just babies, only 3 weeks old. The girl is an orange tabby named Hobbes, and the boy is all black, named Calvin. And trust me, the names fit. You know how in the cartoon Calvin and Hobbes, Hobbes has a sneaky habit of tackling Calvin when he comes in the door, or gets out of bed, or eats, or really anytime? That's my cats. They set up somewhere, on pillows, the back of the couch, and tackle one another, and then roll across the floor, tangled up, hollering 'cause it hurts. And then come back for more. If they are not sleeping, or eating, they're wrestling. Or fighting my hair.

They eat on their own, but they're high maintenance and need special kitten milk (read: not cheap) which can't be left out, so I might as well have kids. I'm going home every day at lunch to feed them. And I learned the hard way Sunday night that it's best to feed them little bits at a time. Calvin, crazy that he is, is apparently like most males, and doesn't stop eating as long as there is food on the plate. Sunday night, I was sitting on my living room floor with my friend, CB and both cats, Calvin asleep on me and Hobbes asleep on her, watching the VMAs. All the sudden Calvin sits up, turns to the side and projectile vomits across the room. No, I'm SERIOUS. It was like a fountain of kitten milk spouting across the living room. And then there was a second round about 30 seconds later. All I could say was "OH MY GOD" in varying volumes, and CB thought I was talking about something on TV and didn't even turn to look until the second time, when the horror actually made it into my voice. Poor thing, Calvin. He didn't even know what hit him. And I felt like a bad mom for the rest of the night, and he just felt pitiful. I was afraid I'd killed the cat the first day and all I did was feed it. Too much, yes, but just feed it. Thankfully (well depends on how you look at it), he woke up at 6 am ready to roughhouse and eat again. So all is good. But I now have experienced a little bit of true parent world, with the vomit and poop incidents and scary things being expelled from your child's body. The stories are enough to make me seriously consider remaining childless.

Be prepared for more cat stories. I live by myself and they're all I have. I'm going to become the crazy cat lady. Don't think they're not traveling with me. At least for a little while. Give me a break, I'm prematurely geriatric.

Twinkle, twinkle, baby, twinkle, twinkle.

It's FRIIIIDAAAY!

2005-08-26T14:23:00.000-07:00

So, its definitely the low point of the afternoon. You know, that point in the day where the coffee completely wears off and lunch sets in and all the breaks are used up and you start counting down the seconds until you go home? Yeeeaaah. That time. So I'm hiding in cubeyland, rambling on the internet for a while, until I actually have to finish those things which I'm supposed to accomplish today.

Thankfully, it's Friday, which means tomorrow is Saturday, which means yay! And on top of that, tonight is particularly special because I get to be cool Aunt Felicity and keep my best friend's two beautiful boys while she and the hubby get some alone time before he spends the rest of the weekend being a rock star. By default, I also get to initiate their new guestroom and the fun striped sheets and spend the morning with the rock I call my bestest friend, Dawn.

This being a first post, I should probably be helpful and introduce myself and these things and people of which I speak, but...I'm not going to right now. But soon, I promise. Pinkie-swear. I really do have some things I have to finish up here. Isn't that a downer?

Peace out playas.